Pressure in life is certain and can greet us at any point in time. One major form of pressure that often cross singles path is the pressure of getting married. Pressure as defined by the English Dictionary is, a force applied to a surface of an object. Does this force apply to Singles?
I’m no stranger in this line of discussion because I have experienced it at certain periods of my existence. It came from everywhere, and at sight, people would ask, “Aunty, when are we coming to eat your rice?” In the Nigerian culture, “coming to eat your rice” means, “when are you getting married?” People prefer to use a softer tone so as not to be seen as an intruder. There was no better way to answer than to smile or reply with, “soon”. At some point, It bothered me as I wondered if it was my duty to find a husband. “Aren’t husbands supposed to find wives?” I thought within. Of course, there was always a temptation to visit the past to see if things could work out. Guess what, it was and is always a foolish idea. You don’t push things to happen, especially in the aspect of such delicate situation. They ought to happen naturally.
Pressure is not limited to intruders, it could come from your family members, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and lastly, yourself. Out of competition, some ask you why you aren’t married yet, others could just be nosy and a few could be very concern and this can get you bothered and worried if your emotions are not handled properly. Really, how do you get to know who is who and which one is which? That’s where the spirit of discernment comes in.
While some sit down, crying over it, others may think about it for a while and later forget it, while a few live in denial. The later tend to act it doesn’t bother them even when they feel the heat of the pressure. It becomes an area of concern when we seem to be getting older and no one seems to show up or we keep meeting the wrong ones. For some who are easily affected by anything said to them may begin to wonder whether or not they are good enough. Thoughts of comparison may arise leading to other vices.
Having laid the foundation of what pressure to get married is all about, how then can we overcome this?
1. Realize That You Are Good Enough
The fact that you aren’t hooked up yet doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or you aren’t a complete human. Marriage is good, no doubt, but partners in marriage aren’t meant to complete us, they compliment us. This is the mistake most people make when they enter into it with a mindset of 50-50 when it’s meant to be 100-100.
There is a huge tendency of you allowing the demeaning thoughts cross your thoughts. You owe yourself good thoughts and you must try as much as possible to speak positive words to yourself. I love what the Psalmist says
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well. Psalm 139: 14
The right man or woman is only preparing his/herself to meet your standards. Never forget this!
2. Get Busy In A Profitable Business
One of the major problems why some singles sink at the thought of having no one who could be interested in them is because, they aren’t busy doing something. They can lay on their beds from dawn till set without lifting a finger except perhaps, social media. If they were actively making impact, that would be different, but no, they are either stalking people or engaging on gossip blogs.
This would give many(pressurizers) the idea that you are lazy and it can also give them the courage to say what they aren’t expected to say. On the other hand, when you are busy about your own busy and such people say what they feel they should say about your singleness, you will have little or no time to lament over it. Give no room for unprofitable persons!
3. Focus On You Not On Them
There is a tendency to begin thinking about suggestions made by those who keep mounting pressure on you to get married. There could be suggestions of men and women less than your standard of values. When you realize that it is you who will be spending the rest of your life with whomsoever you choose to get married to, you will care less about the pressure that’s been mounted on you.
Beginning from today, look yourself in the mirror and speak those words of affirmation that works through your subconscious to your conscious. Groom yourself to become the best version of you. And please, don’t allow anyone make decisions for you. The world is hurting from bad choices made already. We need to change the world through our right choices.
4. Share Minds With Persons Of Similar Values
Have you heard of the adage that says, “birds of the same feather flock together?” If you flock around persons who are going South while you are going North, you’ll always get confused.
When being under so much pressure to get married, look for persons who are pursuing purpose, never being idle and are never wanting to settle for less. If you are around competitive friends, flirts, lazy individuals, desperate humans, you will soon realize that you are a reflection of them. Your tribe should be a reflection of who you are.
5. Trust in God Absolutely
There is a tendency to trust dating sites, concerned friends, family members, church folks, social media, etc when under pressure but this shouldn’t be the case. This is a moment where you walk hand in hand with the Saviour. Men fail, society fail, wealth fail, ambitions fail, but God never fails.
Look at what the wisest King, King Solomon said in Proverbs 3:5-7a,
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes:
It shows us that at difficult times, we may be blinded by our eagerness and longing for the right one to show up, that we become shortsighted to differentiate the fake from the authentic. From my place of origin, a Proverb I love so much says, “It is not all that glitters that is Gold”. This is why we must put our absolute trust in the Lord so that, we do not fall victim of unnecessary pressure.
Dear Reader, I don’t know if you are approaching your 30’s, 40,s and yet there’s no one in sight, please don’t be discouraged. I understand that it could be tiring not finding the right one and the pressure mounted on you can make you loose faith. But guess what, God is only preparing you for the best.
Like I shared a part of my story in the second paragraph, it is not always easy but trust me, when the best comes, you will be glad you didn’t succumb to any pressure from whosoever. It may be difficult while facing pressure or undergoing delay, but, don’t let it bother you. Simply, keep pursuing purpose and sooner than later, your partner will meet that purpose.
I’d like to leave you with this words from the renowned Psalmist, King David,
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Psalm 23:10
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. Psalm 56:3 KJV
They that trust in the Lord shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever.
Do you know these seven questions to ask yourself before going into a relationship?
For more, please head over to a friend’s blog.
Till I come your way next time, do remain in God. Muaaahhhh!
Well written, my dear!
The truth is, we sometimes may even hit some points where we tend to doubt ourselves and standards but for Christ. Trusting Jesus that is all!
That’s a fact, my dear. I appreciate you stopping by. Much love
This piece is so up-to-date regarding our current day situation. I particularly find the engaging in meaningful and profitable business very important cuz it has a way of making one feel valuable while taking your mind off unnecessary marriage pressures!!
Ah woman of grace! Thanks for pouring your heart. I appreciate you taking out time to leave a comment. Much love
Priscatee, I can basically tell you that I can so relate with all the words you said there, they’re very well written… Thank you for putting up a great content dear!
Oh sweetheart! Your messages on whatsapp are timely. Thank you for your support always. I appreciate you, woman of grace. Glory be to God.
Wow. God bless you ma
God makes all things beautiful in his time.
Oh! I love that passage so much. Thank you, love
This is great sis. A lot of people are confused under pressure and just jump at whatever comes to them.
But again, I have also discovered that when such pressure shows up, quite a lot of people are full of regrets of probably mishandling who would/should have been a perfect partner for them.
Thanks for beautifully addressing this all important and ubiquitous issue.
It can be tough with pressure around, such as extended family always asking but we need to be patient for ourselves and recognize that we have other things going on in our lives.
[…] The waiting period does not connote idleness or being a busy body in other men’s matters. It requires that you work harder -creating multiple streams of income, acquiring skills, earning a degree or professional certificate, volunteering, etc. Like I said in my previous post, now is not the time to sulk. Read more about it here. […]