Sexual feelings/urges are normal occurrences for a normal person in life and in fact, are an indication that you are a perfectly created being by God. But what do we do with them outside the walls of marriage?
A normal human being who is and isn’t in a relationship has every right to have those feelings pop up once in a while. Therefore, this doesn’t have to be aroused or sparked up by our partner as some feel that it should only occur when in a relationship.
Having said that, it is no secret that these feelings can also be activated by the kind of images you set your eyes on, certain touches at sensitive parts of the body, a flashing thought of a scene from a movie or even reality. These are just a few.
Having established these basics, how then can we honor God with this sexual feelings/urges most especially when we are in a relationship?
Well, we must understand that as much as we own our bodies, we ain’t the creators of it. It is created with a high price. Look at what the Holy Book says,
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1 Cor 6:19
How do we then control these urges as partners in a relationship while outside the confines of marriage?
1.Understand that Your Partner’s Body Isn’t Yours Just Yet
The modern day belief never fails to inform young men and women that the best way to show your partner that you love him/her and even have a long lasting relationship is to have sex even before marriage. While some automatically believe that once you are courting/dating, your partner has complete rights to your body, the Bible negates such claim.
In the sixth paragraph, you’ll see how the Patriarch, Paul puts it. I’m pretty sure he had seen men and women fumble around with their bodies. It is only under the context of coming together as husband and wife that automatically gives you a legal right and ownership to each other’s bodies. It only then that you can become sexually active with your partner.
2. Create Boundaries
Sexual feelings towards partners in relationships are absolutely normal, but must be controlled before marriage. Setting limits in a sexually pure relationship is important. Boundaries makes it easier for couples to know their limits when relating with one another.
It shouldn’t be difficult for partners to open up to each other about their weaknesses. This will enable them set boundaries that will keep them sexually pure.
3. Open Up To Your Partner and Understand Each Other.
As our faces differ, so does our area of sensitivities. What turns partner A on may be different from what turns partner B on. The ability for partners in godly relationships to open up about such is vital.
As you create boundaries in your relationships, never keep quiet about what sets you on ‘fire’. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears and concerns. It will even build trust.
4. Make Divine Promises And Keep It
Talking to each other about your feelings is one thing, but making divine promises about remaining chaste and also keeping it is another. Divine promises in relationships are promises made to God to remain pure till ‘i do’ night.
The media has trivialised the sanctity of Holy matrimony by endorsing sex before marriage which has made many see it as a norm. This is outside God’s perfect will for us:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4
5. Associate With Persons Of Like Mind
Ever heard the phrase, ‘show me your friend and i will tell you who you are?’ I guess you have. Running this race of sexual purity can get lonely at times especially when you are with the wrong association. You’ll begin to ask yourself? “is it even worth it?” Look at how the wisest man, King Solomon put it,
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov 27:17
If you make tight friends with people of no convictions, sooner or later, you’ll walk in their ways. Endeavor to associate with like minds who share like thoughts.
6. Hide God’s Word In Your Heart
It’s one thing to have the word of God on your lips and another thing to know it by heart. The difference is in it’s practice. Once you read, meditate and hide it in your heart, it becomes a part of your subconscious.
It even gets better when you read and memorize it together with your partner.
Find out how to make it more interesting here.
7. Pray Individually And Collectively
Prayer is a major password for an effective journey to sexual purity. Praying alone and for each other is important, but praying together is most important. It is an ingredient that solidifies your commitment to God.
It is a magnet that attracts your partner’s desires to yours. When one of you tries to deviate or fall out, prayer is the key to bring you back together. It is also a strengthener of your weaknesses. It is a binding force of attraction to each other while keeping yourself for each other. Prayer is the ultimate factor for remaining sexually pure.
8. Agree On Your Standards And Convictions.
I love how Amos in the Bible asked this question.
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
He understood that the journey of sexual purity requires total devotion and agreement. If your partner doesn’t agree with your convictions to please God sexually by remaining chaste, it will be very difficult to thread that path.
An agreement on your convictions will ensure a smoother walk. To please God with our sexual feelings, we must walk and agree with the right partner.
9. Don’t Feed Your Phantasm
At one point in life or the other, we tend to create fantasies in our heads. When it comes to being with the one we love, we look forward to great times with them and if we aren’t careful, we may end up satisfying these desires lustfully.
I know and understand that each time you see your partner, the chemical reactions in your body act fast, wanting to create a biological formation but you must apply physics at this point: the push force. Do not for any reason apply the pull force or else, you might regret your actions.
Other times, you might be tempted to take a look at pornographic pictures/videos, but you must determine in your heart to remain sexually pure both in thoughts and in deed. This goes for the men and women. Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians when he realized that some of them could no longer control themselves. He advised, ‘it is better to marry than to burn.
Nevertheless beloved, God’s grace is sufficient for us. Let’s heed to one of the greatest advise of all times,
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Gal 5:16
10.Walk Away When Things Start Getting Heated Up
As much as we try not to get into uncomfortable situations, our flesh may try to hinder us. At the point when our hands are loosing control, what do we do? I believe that when one partner seems to be weak, the other should be strong. If at any point you see that your partner is too weak to let go, you can simply walk away. Don’t try to apologize, else you might be weakened. After a while, come back and talk about it in an open space and most importantly, renew number 4.
Remember, you are partners in progress and the goal to please God must always be your number one priority.
11. Be accountable To Someone.
Accountability requires that you are answerable to someone. In remaining sexually pure in your relationship, you need someone/some people who you are answerable to. The truth is, it will get tough at some point, but having an accountable figure/figures who are trustworthy will ensure that you are law abiding and also help you pour out your struggles to him or her.
Dear reader, God’s grace abounds to help us win the battle against our flesh while running this race of sexual purity. Don’t be desperate in settling for any Tom, Dick and Harry just because you don’t want to feel lonely. Find and be found of a Godly partner. Even if it tarries, God will surely bring you the best. The very best that will help accomplish your walk. Are you finding it hard to find the right one? Read here.
Don’t forget to write me if you have any questions. Feel free to leave your contributions. I’ll love to read them.
Please say this after me, I and my partner will please God with our bodies. Till i come your way next time, do remain in God.
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