A conversation I had with my mom about marriage a few days ago got me thinking – it is one thing trying to get a wedding date fixed and another thing entirely planning to get/stay married for not just a day, but an entire lifetime. I guess my mom saw the need to sit me down so we could discuss one of the most commonly debated topics in the world, submission, as it relates to this lifetime commitment called marriage.
I thought it wise to check up the dictionary for the word submission which is often talked about with abhorrence in many circles, and I found it’s definition to be the act of being submitted to. The dictionary defines it in another way: “… to yield or give way to the other.” Seeing it’s meaning made me shrink a little.
I imagined what it meant for two young sensible people who grew up together, played together, studied together, shouted at each other, threw tantrums at the other and would sometimes not talk to each other, to then decide to get married without carefully counting the cost, knowing fully well that if they’ve decided to become one, they would both need to work hard to make it work. And sometimes, one has to let go/go under in order for peace to reign in the home. Happily married couples never forget to remind us that submission is a necessary ingredient for a successful marriage.
Well, I sent a few questions to some wives who have been married for a while. For the sake of privacy, I changed their names. The first question was,
Is Submission Really a Big Deal When Considering Marriage?
These are some of their answers:
Rachel, a mom of two, responded:
Submission is, in fact, a BIG deal when considering marriage. First because as a Christian, God has given the woman the duty to submit to her husband, whether or not her deserves it. When you agree to get married to a man, you have in other words agreed to come under his authority and let him lead you.
Amanda, married for almost a decade, had this to say,
According to Ephesians five verse, which commands women to submit and Men to love their wives, Submission is a big deal because when you are talking about marriage, you are ready to work hard to make it work. To make submission easier you have to pray for your husband to make the right decisions and actions that will help you both.
Sophia, a mom of one, answered, Submission on its own is not quite easy as it is commanded by God Himself but it is of importance in marriage and cannot be overemphasized.
Abigail, a Doctor, said,
Submission in marriage isn’t a big deal. Actually, if husbands are to be like Christ who love without lording things over on their wives, then submission is sweet and easy. Anyways, this is for couples who want to keep their homes. It takes two to tangle. Marriage is sweet when it’s like partnership and when couples listen to each other.
I went further to ask them this,
How Has Submission Helped Your Marriage?
In my case, I guess am so blessed with a man that fears God and loves me so much. Submitting isn’t so difficult I must confess as he considers me most time.
I’ve had to give up my sleep quite a number of times to read as a medical student and do some other things for the home. Sometimes,i stop talking and present my points at a later time in a more friendly atmosphere with a very nice voice, using the very right key prayerfully especially in a manner he would understand and not just to prove my point. I’ve also had to just say ‘yes sir’ and carry out his instructions as the only option.
Abigail says, for me, submission has helped my marriage, as I am able to keep my inner peace. I’m emotional stable and my sex life is superb. I submit easily when I’m spoken too kindly.
Amanda says, at first it was difficult as I struggled leaving my job in order to relocate abroad with my husband because my job was what was feeding us majorly. It took me eight months to finally agree but after moving, I had to stay for three years till I got another job. Well, if I had stayed back, I may have lost my marriage but today, I have my marriage and I have a great job.
Men are wired to function with submission, they are not as strong as they appear and you need to massage that ego to have your way (I’m joking but serious 😅). When you submit to them in the way they understand (because I believe they all have a variation of what submission is), they do what you want even without asking.
Submission has helped my marriage in a number of ways (I’m still a work in progress). Formerly, I always wanted my husband to apologize when he’s wrong and I’ll spend my time explaining but it only made it worse. I don’t know if he understood me or not but he basically would just keep going and saying things that were even more hurtful until he explained to me and apologized for the event of that argument. The first time I submitted, he just went quiet. So now when I want him to “shut up”, I say “sorry”. That’s a really mild example but things can get heated in marriage and this scenario sometimes appears really big.
Looking at such sincere answers from these awesome wives, one can conclude by saying submission in marriage helps to keep couples happily married.
My favorite practical manual which contains answers to the many questions we often ask ourselves commanded in Ephesians 5:22-24 that,
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Although, we can’t ignore the fact that in recent times, the word submission has been bastardized by narcissists. But does submission have a negative side? Find out what it is not here.
Watch out for part two where we get to ask the married men a reverse question. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a comment below.
Have you read this yet? You should.