A conversation I had with my mom about marriage a few days ago got me thinking – it is one thing trying to get a wedding date fixed and another thing entirely planning to get/stay married for not just a day, but an entire lifetime. I guess my mom saw the need to sit me down so we could discuss one of the most commonly debated topics in the world, submission, as it relates to this lifetime commitment called marriage.
I thought it wise to check up the dictionary for the word submission which is often talked about with abhorrence in many circles, and I found it’s definition to be the act of being submitted to. The dictionary defines it in another way: “… to yield or give way to the other.” Seeing it’s meaning made me shrink a little.
I imagined what it meant for two young sensible people who grew up together, played together, studied together, shouted at each other, threw tantrums at the other and would sometimes not talk to each other, to then decide to get married without carefully counting the cost, knowing fully well that if they’ve decided to become one, they would both need to work hard to make it work. And sometimes, one has to let go/go under in order for peace to reign in the home. Happily married couples never forget to remind us that submission is a necessary ingredient for a successful marriage.
Well, I sent a few questions to some wives who have been married for a while. For the sake of privacy, I changed their names. The first question was,
Is Submission Really a Big Deal When Considering Marriage?
These are some of their answers:
Rachel, a mom of two, responded:
Submission is, in fact, a BIG deal when considering marriage. First because as a Christian, God has given the woman the duty to submit to her husband, whether or not her deserves it. When you agree to get married to a man, you have in other words agreed to come under his authority and let him lead you.
Amanda, married for almost a decade, had this to say,
According to Ephesians five verse, which commands women to submit and Men to love their wives, Submission is a big deal because when you are talking about marriage, you are ready to work hard to make it work. To make submission easier you have to pray for your husband to make the right decisions and actions that will help you both.
Sophia, a mom of one, answered, Submission on its own is not quite easy as it is commanded by God Himself but it is of importance in marriage and cannot be overemphasized.
Abigail, a Doctor, said,
Submission in marriage isn’t a big deal. Actually, if husbands are to be like Christ who love without lording things over on their wives, then submission is sweet and easy. Anyways, this is for couples who want to keep their homes. It takes two to tangle. Marriage is sweet when it’s like partnership and when couples listen to each other.
I went further to ask them this,
How Has Submission Helped Your Marriage?
In my case, I guess am so blessed with a man that fears God and loves me so much. Submitting isn’t so difficult I must confess as he considers me most time.
I’ve had to give up my sleep quite a number of times to read as a medical student and do some other things for the home. Sometimes,i stop talking and present my points at a later time in a more friendly atmosphere with a very nice voice, using the very right key prayerfully especially in a manner he would understand and not just to prove my point. I’ve also had to just say ‘yes sir’ and carry out his instructions as the only option.
Abigail says, for me, submission has helped my marriage, as I am able to keep my inner peace. I’m emotional stable and my sex life is superb. I submit easily when I’m spoken too kindly.
Amanda says, at first it was difficult as I struggled leaving my job in order to relocate abroad with my husband because my job was what was feeding us majorly. It took me eight months to finally agree but after moving, I had to stay for three years till I got another job. Well, if I had stayed back, I may have lost my marriage but today, I have my marriage and I have a great job.
Men are wired to function with submission, they are not as strong as they appear and you need to massage that ego to have your way (I’m joking but serious 😅). When you submit to them in the way they understand (because I believe they all have a variation of what submission is), they do what you want even without asking.
Submission has helped my marriage in a number of ways (I’m still a work in progress). Formerly, I always wanted my husband to apologize when he’s wrong and I’ll spend my time explaining but it only made it worse. I don’t know if he understood me or not but he basically would just keep going and saying things that were even more hurtful until he explained to me and apologized for the event of that argument. The first time I submitted, he just went quiet. So now when I want him to “shut up”, I say “sorry”. That’s a really mild example but things can get heated in marriage and this scenario sometimes appears really big.
Looking at such sincere answers from these awesome wives, one can conclude by saying submission in marriage helps to keep couples happily married.
My favorite practical manual which contains answers to the many questions we often ask ourselves commanded in Ephesians 5:22-24 that,
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Although, we can’t ignore the fact that in recent times, the word submission has been bastardized by narcissists. But does submission have a negative side? Find out what it is not here.
Watch out for part two where we get to ask the married men a reverse question. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a comment below.
Have you read this yet? You should.
This is one of the best ones yet. fantastic post
Thank you so much. I appreciate the feedback.
Abigail said my mind. Sometimes, the men forget loving like Christ did is hard and full of more responsibilities. When the man love like he’s supposed to. Submission is easier that way. Loring it over one makes it difficult.
Like Abigail said, partnership, teammate in every entirety makes loving and submission easy. Submission is necessary, no doubt. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much, Dammy. You’ve written well. I appreciate your feedback.
Well done Priscie,
I really admire your doggedness.
You are doing a great job and I am very proud of the woman you are becoming.
May God bless the works of your hands.
Uncle, I’m so grateful for always been there for me. Amen to your prayers, sir. I’m grateful for the feedback.
Awesome. Simple yet delicate topic. The fact is we are made to understand it takes the two ((couple) to make marriage walk but in summary, a party can make it work. If each party (husband or wife) realises that he or she is responsible for the success of the marriage and stop waiting for the other, then we can and will get a happy home. God bless you Gee Rabbi.
You are very right, sir. I’m grateful for the feedback.
Good read Prisca, good job. I will really appreciate it if you could use black people’s photos or images instead. My opinion tho
Sure… Thanks so much for the heads-up. I will
I appreciate you, dear.
Love this post. The title intrigued me… I’m new to your blog so I wasn’t sure what this would be about. Big fan!! I agree with your friends who shared in put so much. Thanks for this post 🙂
Thanks for your beautiful comment.
Wow this is such a big topic especially in today’s society. Thanks for this!
Wow.. Nice one.. The word submission has actually drawn soo many lines in marriages..though about to wed, i can say that every marriage defines its submission..marriage is supposed to be for two Best Friends who Already flow soooo easily..if this is thr case in marriage u realise that submission is as simple as agreeing to a discussion in order to make a good decision cos the man been ur best Friend always sees you as in fact his fellow guy(if you know how guys relate so easily).thats the definition of submission most beautiful marriages have and once this is the background on ur mind and u find a “second half” and not a ” HUSBAND” according to the African definition, getting married to that man becomes soooo easy and exciting…
Beautiful post dear.. Keep it up…
You’re very right, darling. Congratulations on the new journey you’re about to embark on. Thanks for your feedback ❤❤❤
This is indeed a question of the mind because we ladies are always carried away with the wedding day forgetting the journey of many years of marriage.
Thanks so much wonderful women and mother Prisca God bless ur wisdom.
Thank you so much, dearest. You are very right. I love you! Amen to your prayers for me.