Hi fam, and welcome to our beautiful tête-à-tête studio! Because I know this is your first time here, I decided to serve you lunch on a beautiful golden plate. This is not your regular lunch, because it’s spiced up to perfection. Drinks on you, food on me. Cool? All right! Join me at the dining table.
Before we proceed, I thought I’d bring a guest along, as I didn’t want you to have a boring lunch. And don’t worry, my guest isn’t going to cut your ration short. She’s veeery considerate ;). Our discussion today will be focused on sexual purity and finding purpose. Let me introduce our beautiful guest to you.
Her name is Lizzy Oyebola Yakubu. She is a child of God who is committed to inspiring lives through her imaginations and experiences translated into writing. More importantly, she is committed to living the life of God, and is an ardent ambassador of sexual purity and decency. She is the CEO of De-Raconteur Concepts (An umbrella for a public library, a movie studio, communication services, and the B.U.D. Family International).
Lizzy was born on the 19th of March in the early 90s, and ever since her teenage years, she has been an award-winning writer. In August 2018, she was honored with the All-Round Decency Award by Asheer Concepts CQN, an interdenominational women’s organization in Nigeria.
She bagged her first degree in Mass Communication from Bowen University, Iwo, Osun State, before going on to Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria for a Masters in Journalism. She has published four books already, and has over 300 story articles to her credit, in addition to over 20 finished but unpublished novels.
Her first book was launched in September 2009, and her first movie ‘The Voice of Faith’, written and produced by her, was launched in November 2017 under the umbrella of The B.U.D. Family. She has won several awards, both in secondary and tertiary institutions, for her doggedness and commitment to Christian living. This actress, speaker, writer, teacher, and blogger is unreservedly committed to worshipping God all the days of her life, and is unashamed about it.
I bet you love her already and can’t wait to hear her give answers to my mind-probing questions. Please dig into your meal, as I wouldn’t want it to get cold. Let’s begin!
PriscaTee: Welcome on board, Mrs. Yaks. Thank you for accepting to come along with me to my studio where I’m hosting my friends to lunch. It’s good to have you join us here!
Mrs. Yaks: Thank you so much, PriscaTee. And you are most welcome.
PriscaTee: I understand you hold a Masters’ degree in Journalism. What was your drive?
Mrs. Yaks: Well, I started writing from a very young age. At JSS 3, I was already an author of three books. When it was time for me to choose between sciences, commercial and arts class, I had to go for the one which would avail me the opportunity to sharpen my writing skills.
Creative Writing or any related course majorly based on writing isn’t popular in any Nigerian University. The one which is similar to that is Mass Communication. And loving it so much, especially the ‘Writing for the Mass Media’ aspect, I decided to go for a Master’s in Journalism, especially since I run a Christian blog and that course would give me a greater edge in that field. I can’t tell you how much those courses have helped me, Prisca.
PriscaTee: One could rightly say that you found your calling and passion at a young age. That’s impressive!
Mrs. Yaks: Thank you, PriscaTee.
PriscaTee: Recently, I saw pictures of you on Facebook where many of your fans and friends congratulated you on a successful wedding ceremony. You looked beautiful, and congratulations from here as well!
Mrs. Yaks: Awwwww…thanks so much. I heard that a lot and I was like, “What! I just did my thing…”, hehe… thanks, dear.
PriscaTee: Tell me, how did you meet your spouse?
Mrs. Yaks: Ermm….well, if I were to go into this here, we would consume your entire blog space, Prisca, Hahaha. Exaggeration intended, by the way. So, I think I’ll rephrase your question as, ‘Where did…’
PriscaTee: Haha… Okay…
Mrs. Yaks: My King and I met at Ahmadu Bello University. I was studying for a Master’s Degree. He was studying for a PhD. We attended the same fellowship, however (DLCF), and we met regularly at the school library (which was my ‘home’…haha)
Yet, in all these things, we were never close. We were in fact very far from being close.
PriscaTee: How intimate were you during your relationship?
Mrs. Yaks: Intimate? We really stretched that word beyond it’s meaning o…hahaha… We didn’t even touch. The closest we were was maybe in a car, sitting close to each other.
PriscaTee: Wow! So you mean you never touched nor kissed? How is that possible, especially when you are in a relationship with someone you love?
Mrs. Yaks: Well, as a sexual purity advocate, God gave me a man that upholds sexual purity too. So, we loved each other well and we are attracted to each other, hence, we knew touching each would pull the trigger. And if the trigger is pulled, there will be ‘Gboom!’
The Bible speaks against all these intimacy with people you aren’t married to. I know some people will say ‘Well, he/she is the one I will get married to. So what?’
Bro, have you paid her dowry yet? Have you in the presence of God and man asked for her hand in marriage?
Sis, have you dropped your last name and taken his up? Or have you been sought for and all traditions paid for you?
Well, I wasn’t married to my husband then. He was my fiancé, someone I was hoping to get married to. Hence, there had to be a total obedience to ‘Flee from all appearances of evil!’
Prisca, when you love someone, you don’t love them with your brain and mouth alone. You love such with your body, spirit and soul. I want to stress the BODY part! Your nipples/manhood, for example, respond to the person’s compliments to you. Right?
Well, that’s a danger zone already. When you love each other so much, you should go farther from each other o. Anything can happen.
I realized that I am human and my husband is human. No matter the anointing we both carry, we have blood running through our veins. The Bible says ‘Let he that thinks that he stands, let him take heed lest he fall’
I can fall! I had read stories of people who fell, and no! I would never want to fall into the ditch from whence they were picked up.
Also, I personally have a group of lady friends and sisters (The B.U.D. Family), and we uphold sexual purity. Whenever any of us is getting married, we ask them (I do that mostly) to share with us how they coped with sexual attractions during their courtships. Of course, I knew my day too would come, and being a child of God, I wouldn’t want to lie, so I had to uphold the banner no matter how ‘old-schooolish’ it was. I tell you!
Even the pictures we took during our courtship had someone in between us. Or if there was no one, we placed a Holiness gap between each other. Hahaha…Weird, right? Well, when you know where God is taking you to, you don’t joke with some things! I can go on and on, Prisca, but let me stop here, please. Muaaah!
PriscaTee: Impressive, I must say, and thank you for being open about this! That brings me to my next question. What kept you during this journey of sexual purity with your spouse?
Mrs. Yaks: Oh,
- The Lord’s Grace.
- Our agreement and determination not to defile ourselves thereby incurring God’s wrath.
- The glimpse of the future that God has in store for us (which He has shown us)
- Our testimony for the ones coming behind. ‘May all who come behind us find us faithful’ is our very good song.
PriscaTee: Amazing! Amazing, ma’am!
Mrs. Yaks: May I say something quickly, Prisca?
PriscaTee: Yes, please. Go ahead.
Mrs. Yaks: Some say that sexual purity is old-school and cheap and for cowards, etc, and to them, I say that sexual purity is for the strong!
It takes people who are reliant on God’s grace and strength to really uphold the sexual purity banner. It’s not by mouth. Even I had to be prayerful about this thing. Days when my fiancé would look more handsome than he had ever looked, and his arms would look so huge and more masculine than they ordinarily appeared, and I would feel like running into them? Hahaha…those days came, but the strength derived in the place of prayer (We never toyed with prayers! Never!) carried us through!
I wouldn’t deny that my husband was attracted to me that way too. But on those occasions, you would see him jump up suddenly, break into tongues and hot prayers. Is that not hard work?
Sexual purity no be beans, my dear sister. They who know their God shall be strong and shall do exploits!
In all, we are grateful to God. I am grateful to God, my sister! I am!
PriscaTee: Wow! You are such a model. Thank God for you!
Fam, I can see you’ve almost finished your first course of the meal. With the way you’ve been smiling and giggling, I’m sure you are enjoying it. Since you are almost done, can I bring you the second course? Back to our distinguished guest!
PriscaTee: Let me quickly ask you this question. Being a lady who got married at over 25, was pressure one of the reasons why you got married?
Mrs. Yaks: Hahaha… Well, pressures, pressures, pressures! No and yes.
No, because there wasn’t really any human pressure on me that much. My mum would just occasionally slide into our prayers: ‘We will pray for Bola today. That the Lord should choose for her. That before the year runs out, she should be in her husband’s house’… Hahaha… Nothing more than that. Maybe just once or twice, she sat me down to ask me questions, and when I told her what God told me, we would be good to go. She was a prayer woman, so she gave it up to the Lord in prayers.
So, no, I wasn’t really pressured. When my friends, family members,The BUD Family, and others like that would ask, ‘Answer us. When are we eating your rice o’ I would simply smile and give them a ready-made answer. Hahaha. I had already told my spirit, soul, and body that I would not be pressured by people, because when they push me into it, they wouldn’t live in it with me. Plus, I saw their talks as a reminder that I was in my ‘marriageable’ years bracket, hahaha! I tell you, at times, young ladies need words like that to make them know they aren’t growing any younger.
On the other hand, yes, I was pressured. But by who, right? By Divinity, I think! There was this desire in me to get married. There is this thing about my ministry that made me just know that I must be married to fulfill it. That pressure from my Lord pressed me to go deeper in prayers like ‘God, please choose for me! And that speedily! Yet, in your own time!’ Hahahaha!
PriscaTee: Hmmmmmmmn! That’s a deep one there.
Mrs. Yaks: I am enjoying this session, I must say. I commend you for such thought-provoking questions, and I thank God for making it possible to give answers like these, not answers that would make me ashamed. Lord, I thank You!
PriscaTee: Thank you very much, Lizzy. I’m glad you are having a good time with us. Now, let’s get back to our next question.
Being on a platform that centers on ‘everything about love and common sense’, what do you understand by ‘love and common sense?’
Mrs. Yaks: Love and common sense…Hahaha…This is deep!
“I love him. He says I should open my body for him. To keep that love, I opened my body for him.” That’s not love with common sense.
‘Love’ that takes away your peace, your joy is not love with common sense.
cannot love independent of God! That’s not possible. Galatians 5:22 says ‘And
the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace….(Help me complete it)
Any relationship or ‘love’ that lacks love, joy, peace…(complete it, please) is not of the Spirit and it would definitely be devoid of common sense!
I actually don’t like the clichés, ‘Fall in love’ or ‘Love is blind’. They are ‘love’s devoid of common sense. They accept anything, and can’t make choices for themselves. Even when the relationship is killing them and leading them to a ditch, they continue to ‘love’. Whaaaat!
I receive messages of ‘love that lacks common sense’ in my mail now and then, and my reply to them is mostly, ‘Get common sense’ (Though I don’t say this literally).
How do you love with common sense? You love by the power of Love (God). Loving with the aid of God is what it means to love with common sense. I must say that any love that is from above comes with a great level of common sense!
Common sense is not common. It is only with the ones who are with the Uncommon God, the Lord of the Heavens and the earth! Loving with common sense means a lot of things, and I will give some practical examples.
Loving with common sense means seeing some red flags in your relationship and fixing them or running away from such as fast as possible. Loving without common sense makes you patch up things till you are made a skeleton in such ‘love’!
Loving with common sense means loving despite the person’s lack of material things, not because of the person’s lack of character (He doesn’t have car, he would. She doesn’t have good clothes, she will). But he doesn’t have self control and beats you anyhow or she insults you seriously and isn’t proud of you, yet you still love them? Such ‘love’ is without common sense.
Let me stop here.
PriscaTee: Thank you so much, Mrs. Yaks! Can a young lady who is still in secondary school and hasn’t found her purpose in life start looking out for love?
Mrs. Yaks: Well, while I can’t dispute that exploring pleasures and the feelings that come with ‘love’ at that stage is most expected, I still believe seeking love and throwing out your purpose in the secondary school is like putting the cart before the horse.
Many young girls have lost the focal points of their lives because they allowed their feelings to lead them in the way of life. Some people would say ‘Follow your heart, girl!’ and I stand here to say that that statement is not godly. Follow my heart? Where does my heart know? If I follow my heart, I will fall into the ditch!
The only and best option in life is Christ. Don’t follow your heart because it does not know the way. Follow Christ because He is the Way! The only Way!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding (Don’t follow your heart!) In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path!”
Girls, seek your purpose first before any love thing. While many of my mates were getting joined with one boy or one girl, I was busy writing books! I didn’t know I would be a blogger or an author or a trainer like this. I didn’t! But I was busy paving the path for my feet. That doesn’t mean that ‘love’ didn’t come my way. It did. But you know what? I told it to sit down till I ask it to stand! Haha… Fleeee! Keep fleeing!
‘Love’ on your way to a particular destination might be a distraction, and you might regret later. But when you have discovered your purpose and you’re doing well at it, ‘love’ will be queuing up for your attention. Many guys would want to have you in their homes as their ‘take home to mama’….haha. But first thing first – purpose before love!
PriscaTee: Great words of wisdom, I must say! You’re indeed loaded. What advice will give to ladies who are over 25 and still waiting to find love?
Mrs. Yaks: Well, relationship is the key! To have a great marital relationship, you should have a sweet divine relationship with the Author of life too!
When you know God for who He is and you love Him genuinely not because of what He gives or will give you, but Who He is and all you want Him to do through you, you have the key! You pray seriously and study the Word seriously. You desire deeper spiritual understanding and you will have it!
God still leads, that I tell you assuredly! What if you are so committed to God and it looks like all He said concerning you won’t come to pass? Hold on! Keep on the firing line! He will come through for you!
I told God I wanted to marry before 25 and so many things I had received about my husband didn’t come to full manifestation until about five years later. Did I marry before 25 ,then? No! Am I doing well in my marriage? To the Glory of God the Father, I am!
In the meanwhile, keep working on yourself. Keep adding value to yourself and make yourself worth the ‘Fight’.
Don’t let me say more than that, sis. I have tried jare…haha
PriscaTee: Wow! Thank you so much for coming to our studio today to share with us from your stream of deep knowledge and inspiring experiences. I really appreciate you for the lessons and tips given. We hope to have you here next time. Our regards to Mr. Yaks!
Dear fam, I hope you enjoyed this beautiful delicacy of love and common sense, and I’m sure you are full to the brim. Do leave your comments below, please. I’d love to hear from you!
Till I come your way next time, remain in God.